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I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU… EVER (PART 3)
The next day, after a fitful night’s rest, I went out for dinner with my 2 good friends, Kok Cheng and Jonathan, who also happened to be Jessica’s boyfriend. Jessica herself couldn’t join us because she had dance lessons. Over dinner, I told them about my repeated spooky encounters with Nicholas, but to my chagrin they didn’t seem to give any credence to my fears and neuroses. They seemed more inclined to agree with Jessica’s view that Nicholas was a stalker.
Though they could give no acceptable explanation for what happened last evening at the canteen, they offered to send me back to campus to allay my fears and at the same time keep a lookout for my potential stalker. Kok Cheng even made a joke out of it, saying that if we found Nicholas he could just flash his warrant card and put him under arrest (both him and Jonathan were in the police force).
I was feeling much more cheerful and much safer as the 2 guys escorted me through campus and back to my hall. But on the way there, as we were walking through a rather deserted stretch of the university, one of the shuttle buses that ply the campus routes rumbled past and stopped at a bus stop just slightly in front of us. As I watched a group of about 5 or 6 people slowly board the bus amid much chatter, some indefinable instinct made me look up into the bus. And that was when I saw Nicholas.
He was sitting with his elbow propped against the window and his chin resting on his hand. He was looking down at me, as if he knew I was there all along, with that sweet, pensive smile on his face.
I gasped and stepped backwards, fumbling for one of my friends. When I found Jonathan’s arm, I grabbed it tight and tore my eyes away from Nicholas just long enough to shout to him, “Come on! Get the bus! Nicholas is on it!”
I wasted no time in dragging Jonathan to the bus just as it had closed its doors was about to pull away, with Kok Cheng bringing up the rear. But the bus driver obligingly opened the doors again for us, and I dashed up the bus, my 2 friends following close behind, running down the aisle to where I saw Nicholas was sitting.
Then I stopped… and stared.
There was no one sitting there. None at all.
I shook my head in disbelief, choking back tears of fear and frustration as I stumbled backwards into Jonathan. He caught hold of my shoulders to steady me as the bus began its slow drive.
“Where is he, Sheryl?” I heard Kok Cheng ask from behind us.
I could not say anything. I simply pointed a shaking finger at the seat where he was supposed to be. Jonathan and Kok Cheng stared at the empty seat, faces darkening. Then they looked down at me, and I saw that they knew and understood my fears finally. We were not dealing with an ordinary human being. We were dealing with something which I had never encountered, or even stopped to think about. Yet I dared not think about it still.
“Maybe… he moved to another seat?” Jon tentatively ventured.
I took a deep breath and looked around. The bus was completely empty except for 2 girls sitting in the front seats, and the group of 5 students I’d seen getting up sitting right at the back. They were whispering to each other while staring at the 3 of us, standing stupidly in the middle of the aisle, staring blankly around.
I squeezed myself past Jon and ran unsteadily up front where the bus driver was, and asked him whether anyone had gotten off the bus at the stop where we boarded.
“Oh, no,” the driver replied confidently. “No one rang the bell to get off there, so I didn’t even open the back doors. And no one disembarked through the front either.”
“Let’s get off. We’ll walk instead,” Kok Cheng said heavily after he heard what the bus driver said.
We got off at the very next stop. The subsequent walk back is now a blur to me; I was shaking with fear, and crying so hard that I could barely even walk. I only have vague recollections of both the guys half-carrying, half-dragging me back to my room, where they roused Jessica from the next room. I remember ranting to her incoherently about Nicholas, ghosts, and spirits. I remember, too, that she soothed me and hugged me and mumbled comforting words which did not register while I cried, until I eventually fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning, to find Jessica sitting on my bed next to me. Jon and Kok Cheng were sitting in chairs on either side of my bed, their faces creased and their eyes puffy from lack of sleep. For a disorientated moment, I thought I had been injured somehow and I was in hospital; the scene was so surreal and I still felt quite woozy. But then the memories of the previous night came rushing back, and the fear threatened to swallow me up. I fumbled for Jessica’s hand, to reassure myself with the warm touch of a human being.
“Feeling better?” Jessica inquired soliticiously.
I nodded. “You mean… you didn’t sleep all night? And the guys didn’t go home?” They nodded.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I stammered, sitting up. “I’m perfectly ok, all of you had better get some rest!”
“Not until we’ve solved this for you, Sheryl,” Jess said firmly. “In fact, we’ve discussed it all night, and we found someone who can help you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked fearfully.
“We’ve agreed that, well, don’t panic, but it’s quite obvious this Nicholas person, isn’t a real person. I mean, he’s, well, a spirit, obviously. But the point now is, we have to find out why he’s bothering you, and why he’s suddenly started to, well, haunt you. And Jon found out from his mother the address of a particular Taoist priest who’s apparently very skilled in performing exorcisms.”
She leaned close to me. “Sheryl, listen. We have to get rid of him. If this continues, you will never have peace. You will live in fear forever.”
I looked up at the expectant faces of my 3 friends. I knew that they were right. I needed to know why, all of the people in the world, Nicholas should have chosen to latch on to me. And deep inside, I wanted to know who Nicholas was exactly. How did I know him? How did he know me? Why did he only start appearing to me now? There were too many unanswered questions.
“All right. I’ll go with you,” I told her.
All right all right.
Finally after all the waiting.
Part 3 is finally finished.
She sure took her time with this one.
Hope she doesn't take as long for the next part.
OK.
Without wasting anymore time.
Here's part 3 of "I'll Never Leave You" by Sheena.
Enjoy.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Hey Guys.
Once again.It's been a while.
Firstly.I have to apologize for the lack of posts for the past week.
Apparently the author of the current story has been rather busy.
And is trying her best to finish writing the story as fast as possible.
Hopefully I would be able to post the next part within the next few days once she finishes.
Let's hope that she won't hurry too much and rush out a lousy ending though.
Ha.
Anyway.Decided to change the outlook of the blog as I felt that this is a more suitable template.
Unfortunately.Not very with web designing.
So can't seem to put any music on this version without ruining the entire look of the blog.
Thus.I am really sorry.
Hopefully I can find out a way to do so soon.
Meanwhile.Do continue to post your comments here as they were and are still greatly appreciated.
Last but not least.
Let us await the next part of the story and as usual.
Enjoy guys.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU… EVER(PART 2)
The third time I met him was 3 days after that stormy day. I was with my best friend and hall mate Jessica, having just finished a 6 p.m. lecture. I had told Jessica about the mysterious stranger, and though she was pretty worried about me and lectured me constantly about stalkers, I was disinclined to listen to her. In truth, I had been hoping to see him again, and maybe find out more about him. Most of all, I couldn’t get over that feeling of déjà vu I got whenever I saw him. For some reason, I felt it was very important that I get to the bottom of it.
Jess had been whining about craving nasi lemak all throughout the lecture, and she was really driving me up the wall. So it was with a sense of relief that I sat down in the mostly deserted canteen and Jess informed me that she’d run and buy her nasi lemak first, before the stall closed.
I was simply sitting at our table, reading over my lecture notes while waiting for Jessica to return, when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and whirled to see… It was him! Standing right behind me, smiling down at me!
I gasped and dropped my notes. Papers went fluttering over the table and on to the floor. As I bent down to pick them up, I slipped sideways and nearly landed on the floor. Or at least I would have landed on the floor and sustained a painful bruise on my bum, if he hadn’t swept his arm round me and hauled me back to my seat. I could feel my face flaming red at my own clumsiness.
“Are you ok?” he asked solicitously as he quickly gathered my papers together and placed them on the table in front of me.
“Fine, thanks,” I said. Now that my first flush of embarrassment was over, I again felt that peculiar sense of peace and contentment steal over me as I looked up at him. His face… there was something so familiar about his face. Where had I seen him before?
“Can’t you remember me at all, Sheryl? Not even the slightest bit?” he suddenly asked softly.
I was dumbfounded and caught off guard. That moment, I felt the first stirrings of fear begin to flutter in my chest. “Who… are you?” I whispered. “How do you know my name? Who are you? Tell me!”
His face, so cheery a moment before, suddenly lost its smile and took on a veneer of sadness and despair. He took a few steps backwards.
I stood up as well and faced him. “Tell me!” I cried. “Why are you following me around? Why do you make me feel this way? Do I know you? Where? When?”
He shook his head. “Sheryl, if you don’t know… I can’t tell you. You have to find out for yourself.”
I shook my head in disbelief, even as I felt tears spring to my eyes. The look of utter despair on his face tore at me. The tears also shining in his eyes broke my heart. For some reason I felt like I had done him a great wrong. And his face, his voice… something was swimming in my memory. But I simply couldn’t dredge it out.
I stepped forward so I was right in front of him. He was so close, his lips almost touched my forehead.
“I need to know who you are,” I said softly. “Please, Nicholas, please…”
I trailed off as I realized I’d just called him Nicholas, for no reason. His head snapped up. “You remember me now!” he cried.
But I simply shook my head. It was true I still couldn’t remember him. All I did was say his name, though how I knew it was a mystery…
He took a deep breath and smiled at me through his tears. “It’s alright, Sheryl. At least you know my name. At least you know now that I’m Nicholas… It will all come back to you in time.”
And with that, he turned and walked away as I slumped back into my chair, dazed. But it was just a few seconds later when I felt a hand on my shoulder again. I jumped and swung around, expecting to see Nicholas again. But it was Jessica.
“What’s wrong?” she asked concernedly, setting down her tray of nasi lemak and hurrying over to me, putting a hand on my clammy forehead. “Sheryl, talk to me! You look like you’ve just seen a ghost!”
“Did you see him?” I asked. I knew that Jessica would have walked past him coming back to my table since there was no other way he could have exited the canteen. Furthermore, she wouldn’t be able to miss him since there was practically no one else in the area we were at.
“Who?” Jessica asked, looking confused.
“Nicholas! You know, my so-called stalker…”
“Where?” Jessica said, looking around. “There’s no one…”
“No Jess, I mean, when you were coming back to our table… I’d just finished talking to him, he’d only just left… you must have passed him on your way back here.”
Jessica looked at me blankly. “Are you really ok, Sheryl? I saw no one at all… the whole canteen is almost deserted! I passed no one at all on my way back!”
I shook my head disbelievingly. “But… that’s impossible… he… he’d only finished talking to me a few seconds before you came back! He walked off in the direction you came from!”
“I swear, I saw no one at all,” Jessica said firmly.
I stared up at her in horror.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU… EVER(Part 1)
The first time I ever saw him was in the library on campus. He was sitting alone at one of the empty tables scattered around the library. I noticed him because the table he was sitting at was isolated by itself, tucked away in an obscure end of the Philosophy section. It stuck out like a sore thumb.
He did not seem to be studying or doing schoolwork, like so many of the students who throng the library do; instead, he was merely bent over a single thin book he appeared to be reading. I was walking briskly towards his table, and all of a sudden, as if he knew I was heading towards him, he sat up and turned around to look into my face.
I could see the book he held in his hands; it was Socratic Dialogues. I took him to be a Philosophy major. Definitely, you would never see any student on campus reading a book like that.
I intended to walk right past his table to head for the Sociology section. I was not too bothered by this seemingly-intellectual loner; I was struggling with a bag weighed down with my books and laptop, papers were threatening to slip out of the file I held, my water bottle was precariously balanced under my arm, and I was thinking frantically of the Sociology essay due two days later. Yet as I passed him, something made me look up at him.
He was staring straight at me. The intensity of his gaze threw me. He was looking at me so hard, so intensely, it was almost as if he knew me and was trying very hard to place me in his mind.
He wasn’t particularly good-looking, nor was he very striking. Yet somehow, looking at this stranger in the middle of the silent library, I felt somehow soothed. I felt peaceful, looking at him, and with him looking at me like that. Then all of a sudden, the most peculiar feeling of déjà vu came over me. I slowed my steps, and actually stopped, right next to him.
I felt like I knew him. Like I’d seen him somewhere, someplace before. But the feeling I got was that I had not only seen him before, I knew him too. Very well, in fact. Yet I was very sure I’d never met this stranger before, not even a passing glimpse around campus.
Then he smiled at me, and that smile seemed to break the spell. I looked away immediately, my heart pounding, my mind flustered. Without looking back, I practically ran to the Sociology section.
But that whole day I was unable to get him out of my mind. Who was that man? Why did I feel so… so strange just looking at him?
The second time I met him was late at night one week later. I had gone to the supermarket a 10-minute bus ride away from campus to get groceries and snacks, despite a threateningly dark sky and a chilly wind. Struggling to balance my numerous plastic bags, I prepared for the long walk back to my dormitory. But I was barely halfway there when I felt the first drops of rain on my face. Thunder rolled ominously overhead. I groaned inwardly as the storm that had been threatening all day finally let loose over the university.
As I ran to the nearest bus stop, I could see, through the curtain of rain blinding me, that there was a person there. “Good,” I thought with satisfaction. “That person’s probably stuck in the rain like me. At least I won’t have to face this storm all alone on this deserted, dark campus.”
I reached the bus stop, set my groceries down with a groan, and shook some water out of my hair while rubbing my face with my hands. The wind blowing against my wet skin made me shiver. Hoping to borrow some tissue, I turned to my bus stop companion with a smile and asked, “Excuse me, do you have…”
My voice trailed off as I saw the person clearly for the first time. It was him.
Again, that strange feeling of peace stole over me. I was all alone with this complete stranger, in a dark, quiet place. Yet I felt no fear. I felt safe with him. As if I knew he would protect me, watch over me, no matter what. I knew it as surely as if he had really protected me before, in another place, another time.
He was looking at me like before, an intense, intimate gaze. He stood up slowly and held out his hand towards me. But I could not take my eyes off his face.
“I actually have an umbrella,” he said in a deep, low voice that warmed me down to my bones. Again, I felt that feeling of déjà vu; that I’d known him before, heard that voice before.
“Are you going to your dormitory? I can share my umbrella with you. Here, let me help you with your stuff,” he said in that rich, soothing voice.
I could only nod as he swept past me and gathered all my grocery bags effortlessly with one hand. Then he shook open his umbrella, swung it over both our heads and gently urged me forward into the pouring rain.
We never spoke a single word throughout that slow walk. The rain lashed us mercilessly from all sides and obscured our vision. Once, I looked over at him and saw him being buffeted by the rain, since he was tilting the umbrella in such a way that I was mostly sheltered and he bore the full brunt of the downpour. Wordlessly, I reached up to take the umbrella from him, so I could shelter him more and he could hold my groceries easier.
He smiled at me and immediately put one arm around my shoulders, drawing me closer to him so the both of us were squeezed closer under the umbrella. Surprisingly, I did not mind. Under normal circumstances, I would never have let a complete stranger touch me. But this man… I knew him. Somehow.
It was strangely cold as he held me. His arm felt cold against me. But I reasoned the poor chap was probably cold too, soaked in rain and facing the wind like I was.
I lost all track of time as we walked. It was as if we were in our own private cocoon, from which we would never come out. So it came as a little bit of a shock to me when I suddenly realized I was standing in a warm, dry, place, there were lights, the sound of the storm had abated somewhat, and there was no more rain blocking my vision. I blinked dazedly, and looked up, to see myself standing in front of my dormitory door, in the middle of my hall. The corridor was deserted. Apparently, all my hallmates were either asleep, or trapped in the rain elsewhere.
I looked up at him and was struck by how tall he was. “Thank you so much,” I whispered.
“Don’t mention it,” he gave me that sweet, melancholy smile of his, and then he was gone.
It was not until I was safely in bed, having taken a hot shower and drunk a glass of hot chocolate that I remembered something: I had not told him which hall I stayed in, or my room number. Yet he had brought me directly there. But before I could dwell on it further, I fell asleep.
Hey Guys.
Hoped you guys enjoyed my story..
It took pretty damn long...Cause these 2 weeks had been really really hectic......
But anywayz...it's finished at last...
Hopefully...there'll be comments for it...
My first attempt at creative writing anywayz...
So if it sucked...forgive me..
This post is not a blog though..
Just kinda like an interlude or intermission or whatever you may choose to call it...
Before the next story...by my friend Sheena...
Hope you guys enjoy her story as much as I did...
And again...feel free to email to chuakokkeng@yahoo.com anytime with comments.
I will definitely forward the comments to the respective writers...
Or alternatively...you can pose something on the tag board...
MOre convinient I guess..
ANYWAYZ...enough of my blabbering I guess.
Here's the next story.
Enjoy.
Monday, March 15, 2004
You jump.i jump(part 4-end)
“it..it's alright..I understand.....I really do..”
Having said that.
I suddenly realized that I was stuttering..
And that tears were streaming down my cheeks as well.
........
That's it I guess.
Couldn't hold it back any longer.
The feelings and emotions.
All the hurt..regret..and suffering..
Fear..coming that close to death..
They all seemed to be crushing down one me at the same like a huge burden..
........
Might as well let it all go.
Let everything go.
With that.I buried my face in one palm.
And began crying as well.
I cried hard.Real hard.And pathetically.
But who cares.
Cause it felt so good.
God.It felt so good.
So good to finally be able to let it all go.
........
Thus.
It was at this strangest place and hour..
That 2 strangers found refuge and comfort..
From the hurt and suffering caused by..ironically..
The people they loved most..
And the greatest irony above all that was..
This place..
Which was originally intended to be one of release from suffering..through death..
Had now become a santuary of..salvation and healing instead..
Though one may say that good things dun last..
Which had always been quite true..
However for these 2 strangers..
In these 5 mins at least..
They had finally found a place of refuge and comfort..
To shelter them from all the hurt and suffering..
Even if it was only just 5 mins..
........
“I am so sorry about that..”she said as she began wiping away her tears..
Putting her glasses back on..she continued..
“Dunno how I got so emotional back there for a moment..I'm so sorry..”
Not knowing what to say at that point.
Plus.Feeling kinda embarassed about crying in front of her earlier..
I just stared straight ahead and said nothing.
........
Probably realising that I wasn't going say anything anytime soon.
She decided to break the silence.
Surprisingly.She went straight to the point.
In fact almost a bit too direct even.
“So..What happened....what did you mean just now when you said that it's alright and that you understood?Did your girlfriend leave you for someone else?”
........
Suddenly realising the inappropriateness of her question.
She immediately began to apologize frantically.
“Sorry.I'm so sorry.I shouldn't have asked you that.I didn't mean to bring up your sad past.Please forgive my bluntne-”
“It's ok.”I said.
“Really.It's ok.Don't need to apologize.I'm didn't mind at all.”
Pausing for a moment.I sighed a heavy sigh and continued.
“Actually.My story is not that different from yours.Like you.She called me suddenly up last week and told me that she felt that we really shouldn't be together as she didn't love me anymore.And just hung up like that.After which she refused to answer any of my calls or smses....”
........
Now she's doing the “keeping quiet” thing on me instead.What the heck.
“In my case. howeverI don't know whether it's because of another guy.Cause she never did reply or return even one of my calls or smses in the end.And I really couldn't acccpt that.”
........
“I mean.If she really did fall for someone else.She could have just told me straight.And even though I may not have accepted it at that time.I eventually would have cause everyone knows that time heals all wounds.However.She didn't do that.She chose to ignore me instead.And that.I really couldn't accept.Would someone do this kinda thing to the one they loved?Which made me wonder whether she really loved me at all this past 2 yrs....”
Having said that.Emotions stirred up strongly within me again.
But this time.I wasn't going to cry again.
No matter what.
I've cried once already.And that's enough.
Guys should be only be bleeding even when they are hurt really badly..Not crying..
And with that thought in mind.I remained silent again.
“So I guess....”she said.
“I guess we're in the same boat then.Huh?”
Again.I just stared at her blankly and siad nothing.
Suddenly.Without warning.She began laughing loudly.
In fact.Very loudly.
Now it was my turn to be surprised.
Why the hell is she laughing now?
“God.Hahaha..I'm so sorry.Haha..it's been a long day..Really..hahaha..it's been a really long day.God I'm so sorry.Hahahaha.”
Suddenly.I realised just why she was laughing.
Indeed.It has really been a long day.A really long one in fact.
And the 2 of us almost woulnd't have lived to see another one.
If not for the fact that fate decided that time wasn't up for the 2 of yet.
Thus playing this worst joke ever on the 2 of us.
........
However.
It was really lucky for fate to have played this joke of us.
Cause the two of us had almost died.
For a stupid reason.
I can't believe I almost threw my life away just like that..
God.Thank you so much.
Thank you for giving me a second chance.
For giving the 2 of us a second chance.
Life is precious.
Definitely not to be thrown away just because of a failed relationship.
And with that thought.I realised all of a sudden that I was beginning to laugh along with her..
And the laughing only got louder..and worse..
Until finally..I couldn't stand it anymore and burst out.
“Hahaha...Why oh why..hahaha..why of all days..haha..did you choose to come up here and jump at this day and this time..hahah..I really don't blieve this...this is so..hahaha..damn ridiculo-”
“ What are the 2 of you doing up here at this time?”
----------------5 Months Later-------------------
It's been 5 months since the incident at the rooftop.
What happened next can acutally be summarised simply like this.
Apparently.
Our laughing got really loud.
And woke up one of the residents residing on the top floor.
Feeling half scared and curious.
He decided to check out where the nosie was coming from.
And was surprised to find the metal hatch leading to the rooftop opened.
Obviously.He climbed up the stairs to take a look.
And there...to his utmost surprise..he found..
A teenage guy and a girl sitting on the rooftop..laughing hysterically.
.........
At first.He thought that we were both insane and had wanted to call the police..
Luckily though..we managed to cook up a story about how it was exam time..
How we were only there for some fresh air and night view to destress..
Even more luckily I guess..he was probably still feeling a bit sleepy and groggy..
And thus he bought our story just like that.
........
Come to think of it.
The 2 of us were really very lucky.
If he had been a bit more awake or something..
He most probably would have really called the police..
And then at that time...we would really have had it....
As we would really be oweing our parents a major explanatio-
“Chris.Over here!”
Again.My thoughts were interrupted.
Again.Everytime.
It was like this the first time I met her.
And it's still like this now.
Damn..she really comes at the wrong time..
Everytime..
........
So there she was.The silly girl.Late as usual.
Looking at my watch.I realised she was 1 hour late..
Man.This is like the “countless”th time already..
I've had it.She's always late.
Today.I really gotta give her a piece of my mind.
I really am.
Yet.Even as I said that.I was already smiling..
And the anger..all gone..completely
Seeing her walk through the mrt gates..towards me..
Her long rebonded hair as usual..being carried softly by an unseen breeze..
And her large pretty eyes behind those glasses..
........
I really couldn't help it..
I could never bring myself to be angry with her..
Even if I was really amd with her..
I would just have to take one look at her and all the anger would be gone.
Instantly..
What can I say.
She's the love of my life.
And yes.
I know what you're thinking.
It is HER.
The same girl I got to know that fateful night on the rooftop.
I can only say that we became very close friends after that incident.
And not long after.We were attached.
I guess fate really threw us together.
From the very moment I sat down on the edge of the roof-
“Chris darling..I”m so so so so sorry for being late again..Let me make it up to you ok dear?Today shall be my treat ok?Feel free to choose any place for dinner..”
Hooking her tiny arm in mine and planting a kiss on my cheek.
She smiled lovingly at me.
And began tugging me all the way down the Citylink.
There she goes again.I thought.
She and her old tricks.
“Come on Alice..I know all your tricks..No need to try and bluff me anymore..you always say you'll treat me but in the end..it's always the 'I Treat You Pay' policy right?Ha.No need to bluff me one..I know you so well already..”
Realising that I was not gonna let her get away with it so easily today..
She tried to what the cantonese would call “teh”(sulk) her way out it again.
“Don't like that lah..dear..”she sulked while planting another kiss on the cheek..
“I already said sorry..forgive me lah..today really my treat ok?I promise..Ok?”
After which she gave me the most “innocent” look with her big pretty eyes..
........
Like I said.
She's the love of my life.
........
“Ok ok..I believe you..please dun give me that look anymore..anymore and I'll get goosebumps..let's see..where shall we have dinner today?Hmm...since you are treating...I think let's have sushi today shall we?”
I was surprised.
She didn't reply me.
“Shall we?”I asked again.
Again.No reply.
Then I realised.She had stopped tugging me forward in the way she always does when she was hungry and wanted food.
In fact.Both of us had stopped.
Completely.
Looking at her beside me.
I saw that she was just standing there.
Saying nothing and staring straight ahead.
Immediately.I followed her gaze to this couple standing directly opposite us....
And was stunned.
Absolutely stunned.
“Oh my God.Chris.”the girl that met my gaze stuttered.
The girl.Who caused me so much pain and suffering.
The girl.Who I almost died for.
The girl.Who was my ex-
“Oh my God.Chris..that..that's my ex..”Alice suddenly said.
(The End)
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
You jump.i jump(part 3)
“I came up here to jump.
I couldn’t believe what I just heard.
She was up here for the same reason as me?
……..
God.You have gotta be so kidding me right?
……..
Yet.Like an orchestra performing without it’s conductor.
Her words echoed through my brain again and again.
Bringing my brain into a state of chaos and confusion.
That I have never experienced before.
However.The amusing irony of the situation soon hit me.
And it hit me hard.Like a sledgehammer.
Without any warning.I started laughing all of a sudden.
With the laughing only worsening as time went on.
And all this while.She was staring at me with a most shocked and surprised expression.
Who can blame her.
There she was.Sharing her similar predicament with me.
Yet here I was.Laughing my head off.
But again.Who can blame me?!?
……..
Luckily though.She soon saw the amusing side to the whole affair.
And began laughing uncontrollably together.
So there we were.Sitting at the rooftop of a HDB block 2 am in the morning..
Laughing like a bunch of lunatics.
And to think that just barely 5 mins ago.
I was on the verge of death itself.
Talk about irony.
………
Unbelivably.The laughing lasted for a good whole 5 mins.
But eventually.We got tired and our laughter subsided.
What followed was a period of silence which was actually very brief.But yet seemed to last almost like forever.
……..
Finally.
I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
Anymore and I swear I would go crazy and jump right off the building.
Which actually wasn’t so bad since that was exactly what I originally came here to do.
“So what happened.Why did you end up here like me?Relationship problems?Or is it your studies?”
Woah.Dejavu.
These words sounded really familiar.
Weren’t those my exact thoughts earlier in the night?No wonder they sounded so familia-
“He left me for someone else.”She broke out all of a sudden.
……..
So she was in the same boat as me.Same reason even.
Indeed.How ironic a situation can one land him or herself in such as this.
“It was very sudden.Until now.I still do not understand why and how it happened.Just 2 weeks ago.We were still going out happily together.In fact.I still remembered we went for dinner at Taka's Seoul Garden.After which we went shopping.He even bought me a Swarovski Crystal Cat cause he knew I really liked cats and crystal.See?"
She started reaching for something in her pocket and eventually came up with a really cute and sweet looking cat made of crystal with ruby red eyes.With which I just stared at it quietly and said nothing.Cause I knew she wasn't finished.
And indeed.She wasn't.
"I was so happy that he bought this for me that for a few days I couldn't stop smiling and showing if off to my girl friends at school.And they all thought I was such a lucky to have such a caring and loving boyfriend.Which I had the exact same sentiments.But then all of a sudden.He called me up last week and said that he felt that the 2 of us wasn't suitable and shouldn't be together anymore.And with that.He hung up.And from then on hasn't answered any of my calls and smses.Within a few days.He even changed his handphone number...."
At this point.I noticed that tears were flowing down her cheeks.
She won't be able to take it much longer I thought.She's definitely gonna start crying.Anytime now.
And boy was I right.
She began sobbing uncontrollably.
Oh no.Please don't.My greatest phobia in life is to see girls cry.
I really dunno waht to do when girls start crying.
Especially at a time like this.What am I gonna do?
God.How did I get myself into something like this?
Why of all days did I choose today to come up and jump?
And just so happen she came here for the same reason.
And even because of the same reason.
God.You must be so kidding me ma-
And then suddenly.Time stood still.
"I know..sob..I know that..I have barely known you for like 5 mins and so shouldn't be doing this.Sob..But I really..I really need..sob..some..someone's shoulders to cry on for just a while.I really can't stand this any longer.Sob..sob..How can he do this to me??A 3 year relationship.And then suddenlly overnight he can just leave me for someone else.Are our relationsip worth nothing to him?I fact.Did he even love me at all these 3 years?Oh..how i wish..sob..how I wish that I haven't gone back to the Swarovski Shop we went that day hoping to see him there again.Then at least I won't have seen him with...with her!...Sob..I'm so sorry..I 'm so so sorry.."
Looking at her long hair which half covered the back of her shivering form.
While she buried her head in my shoulders and cried uncontrollably.
Feelings of pity and sadness suddenly welled up so strongly up in me.
That I myself came close to tears.
I mean.Who would bear to break the heart of such a nice and sweet girl?
And how ironic that I was in the exact same predicament as her.
........
How sad and ironic.
For 2 people whose loved ones have just left them for someone else..
To end up spending the last few moments of their lives with one another..rather than their loved ones..
What kind of a joke is fate playing on these 2 people?
........
Unable to bring myself to pull the poor soul away from my shoulder..
And on being the verge of tears myself..
I managed only to get these few words out..
"It..it's alright..I understand......I really do.."
(part 3-end)
Saturday, March 06, 2004
you jump.i jump(part 2)
"what are you doing here?"
my train of thought was suddenly.
and abrubtly interrupted by this sudden exclamation and outburst.
in fact.i was so surprised and shcoked that i almost fell off the edge.
Luckily.I managed to regain my balance in time.barely made it though.phew.
Though the irony was that it wouldn't have made any difference.Since eventually i was gonna jump anyway.
Yet somehow.For some reason beyond comprehension.
I felt this sudden anger rise up within me.
Because I knew my suicide attempt had most probably just been foiled completely.
Whoever the person behind me was.He or she was most probably not gonna let me jump off like that.
Here we go boys and girls.Here comes the negotiation and "Don't jump.I can help you" crap.
He or she is probably gonna talk about how life is beautiful and stuff.
How there are many things in life worth staying alive for.
How she wasn't the only girl in the entire world.And how probably someone better will come laong in future.
I can almost visualize it again.Ont he back page of the Shin Min Daily News.
Probably right beside an article about a middle aged family man being convicted for adultery.
The head lines will go something like this i guess.
<
"I said.What the heck are you doing here?"
Again.the same voice.a female one i realised this time round.
What the hell.My thoughts were interrupted again.
God.Can't I even think in peace?Not even at this time of the night?
Now.I am really pissed.
Almost immediately.I turned around and half shouted.
"i should be asking you that question.who the hell comes all the way up here at this time time of the night?do you know you are disturbing the quietness of this place and interrupting my thoughts again ang again?Can't a person even die in peace?!?"
It was at that point of time that I realised just how ridiculous my outburst sounded.
........
What the hell.It was too late anyway.whatever's said has been said.no use brooding about it.
Making eye contact with the owner of the voice at last.
I realised she was someone around the same age as me.Probably around 15 or 16 yrs old.
Long and silky straight hair.Carried sideways softly by the wind.
(Probably rebonded i guess.how many girls have naturally striaght hair nowadays.
But that wasn't the point.Her hair was usually long.almost reaching her hips.)
Half covering a rather stunned but certainly very surprised face.
(i don't blame her.it's not everyday you hear someone asking you to let him die in peace.)
A face that was neither special nor plain.
One that could not be described as good looking nor bad looking.
In short.She basically looked like the average girl next door.
However.It was not her facial features.But rather.
Her eyes.That caught my attention.
Even though she was wearing glasses.
I could see plainly that she had really big and beautiful eyes.And unusally long eyes lashes.
Kinda like the kind of eyes only girls in manga and anime have.Only that here was a real life example.
Which was probably the reason why.
Even though she was giving me the most bewildered and incredulous look with those eyes of hers right now.
My first impression of her was that she was a rather sweet and pleasant looking girl.
Not exceptionally pretty or beautiful.Just sweet and pleasant lookin-
"what did you say?did i hear correctly?"
damn.not again.i kinda feel like taking back my words.
"you said you were here to die?As in.Meaning that you are gonna jump down from here?"
Staring blanky back at her.and using the most matter of factly voice i could ever produced.I replied.
"yes.Do you have a problem with that?I was just about to jump down when you arrived and started your nonsensical questioning.Disturbing my thoughts and this peaceful surrounding.What kind of an idiot comes here at this time of the nigh-
Smack!
The slap was so hard.I could feel my ears ringing even after several seconds.
That's it.Now's she done it.If i have to kill someone before i kill myself.I will kill her first!
But just as i was about to begin shouting and blowing my top at her.
She spoke.
In a rather quiet and sad voice.
"I'm sorry.I didn't know why I did that.But i really didn't expect anyone to be up here.Not at this time anyway.And i definitely didn't expect you to be up here for the same reason as me.Guess we are in the same boat."
It took a while for her words to finally hit me.But when it did.All I could say was.
"Meaning that you actually came up here to...."
"Yes."she replied softly.
"I came up here to jump too."
(part 2-end)
You Jump.I Jump(Part 1)
My very first thought when I saw the view was.
"God.Didn't know Bishan looked so beautiful at night."
And who could blame me.
No normal person would come up to the roof of a HDB block at night.
Took a look at my watch.Especially when it was almost 2am.
........
Well.Unfortunately.I wasn't a normal person.Not tonight anyway.
I was here for a purpose.
A rather sinister one so to speak.
.......
Carefully.I walked to the edge of the roof and sat down.
Again.What fascinated me the most was the incredible view.
However.This time.
Adrenaline and fear was pumping thru my blood full steam.
What can I say.It's not everyday that you stare right down a drop 40 stories high.
Especially when you know that in a while.
You will be jumping right down to the very bottom.
Ending your life instantly.
Yup.Like I said.I was here for a reason.
I was here to end my life.
........
I could almost picture it.
At the very back page of tomorrow's Shin Min Daily.
There be a picture of me.And one of my body lying at the bottom of my block.
Covered by the famous black body bag of course.
And the headline would be titled."Teen commits suicide at the block where he resides."
And prob.There would be a picture of Mom and Dad.
Crying like the end of the world as the reporters interviewed them.
Asking them whether I was a troubled child.Whether I had relationship problems.Whether it was because of my results or performance at school.
And the worse thing would be.They would say they didn't know.They would say I had always been a happy kid.
One who had no problems with school.
And definitely no problems with relationship.Cause I didn't have one.
Or so they thought.
.........
If they had known.They would have probably have called me unfilial.
Which indeed I was.Unfilial.
Ending my life all because of a girl.
My life.Whom they had toiled and sweated for 15 yrs to painstakingly bring up.
"I'm sorry.Mom.Dad.But I really can't go on anymore."
She is my life.She has always been so for the past 2 yrs.
Indeed.It had not been easy keeping the relationship from my parents.
But somehow.We managed to make it this far.Despite all the difficulties
At least until about a week ago.
At the thought of this.My heart started hurting.Terribly.
How.How could she do this to me?
Nevermind.It doesn't matter now.Nothing does anymore.
I just need to give myself a tiny push.And then.
All the pain would be gone.
All the suffering would be over.
........
Again.I looked downwards.
It was quite a long way down.
But.I rather ended it quick then continue my present state of suffering.
And using sheer determination.I begin to edge myself slowly over the edge.
Sorry Mom.Sorry Dad.I know I let you down.But I really had no choice.So forgive m-
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
(Part 1-End)
It suddenly hit me hard today that I really can't maintain an online journal....
My life is simply...too monotonous....so to speak for me to maintain one without boring me and the readers to death...
Besides....I become lazy after a while....Always....
But yet....I really do wanna write something....
Something that will allow me to express my thoughts....and emotions....
And yet not become monotonous and boring after a while.
Thus.What better than a Blog that allows not only me....
But also my friends to share stories....
Their stories....
Sorta like an "Online Chicken Soup For the Soul".
Preferably ficticious stories though..
And of course....
NO obsencities and vulgarities.
Well...rather than talking about it and doing nothing....
Let me start things off immediately....
Enjoy folks.
(P.S.If any of you wanna contribute.Just email me with your contribution at chuakokkeng@yahoo.com.Titled."Story Contribution".And i will see whether it's suitable for posting or not.)