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My feelings right now.
At this present moment.
Can be described as simply.
Indescribable.
Oxymoronic.
Not quite.
Just hear me out.
Now how else would you describe the sensation.
Of sitting in front of your computer.
On the dust covered floor of a room full of boxes.
With only a bed.
And dust of course.
A room which used to be YOUR room.
And drinking Pepsi Twist from a wine glass.
Because you couldn't find which box the damn drinking cups were packed into.
........
And oh my.
If that was new.
Check this out.
How about the feeling of bathing ice cold water.
In a toilet whose tiles have just been hacked.
With so much dust,grime and dirt everywhere.
That it looked like one of those POW toilets from WW2 which just survived a mortar attack.
Now if this still wasn't enough.
How about trying out the new water saving campaign style of bathing.
Village Bathing!
Filling a tub with water and then pouring bucket after bucket to wash yourself clean.
.......
Totally awesome rite.
Guess what.
I gonna get to do all this for 2 more weeks!
Awesome right?
Don't get too envious.
I'll be ready to offer my house for this unique experience.
For just a mere $49.95 in 10 installments.
GST included ok!
And if you order a package within the next 5 mins.
I'll throw in the "Live Metallica Concert" experience from 8am to 6pm absolutely free.
Courtesy of the drilling and hacking workers.
........
OK...fine.
I've crapped enough I guess.
I guess another complaint won't change much rite.
Now which of the 3 situations below would be the worst for a person trying hard to slim down?
1.Accidentally drinking a cup of "Tay" Susu whose contents are 5 % "Tay" and 95 % Susu.
2.The Singapore bans all imports of any sort of slimming "tay"blets into Singapore.
3.Meeting Tay Ping Hui in his Mercedes Benz while out on a run wearing pasar malam quality sportwear,stinking like high heaven at the same time.
........
I guess the answer is obvious enough huh.
So.
That's all folks.
For today that is.
Friday, November 12, 2004
My World
Like empty shell catridges.
Pale grey snowflakes fall upon the land.
In this vast,empty and forsaken world.
In the cold and still air.
A thick fog lingers and crawls.
The aftermath of a thousand smoking barrels.
Screams of anguish and agony fill the air.
The symphony of a thousand vanquished souls.
Yet.
Like an oasis in a desert.
A river flows miraculously.
Through the centre of this barren and alien landscape.
A river like no other however.
It's colour resembling.
The very source of life that courses through our veins.
It's source.
A bottomless pit.
Filled with vengeance and regret.
A river of blood.
However.
This world.
Was not completely devoid of human existence.
Sitting at the water's edge.
A lone figure stares at the river silently.
Running his fingers through the river waters at the same time.
Upon lifting his hand up.
He realizes that his hand is soaked in blood.
Momentarily.
Terror and helplessness struck his heart.
While at the same time.
Sadness and loneliness overwhelmed him.
And suddenly.
He wished that he was dead.
Yet.
At the very next moment.
The feelings were all gone.
Left behind.
Forgotten.
And for no reason at all.
He felt strangely excited all of a sudden.
He no longer felt any fear or helpnessless.
But instead.
Completely fearless.
And all powerful.
And like a drug addict.
He began thristing for more.
He did not want this wonderful feeling to stop.
He wanted to feel this power in every inch of his body.
Thus.
Like an insane man.
He began splashing the river waters wildly.
Soaking his arms.
His legs.
His entire body.
With blood.
Yet.
That still did not satisfy him.
Giving out an insane and blood curdling scream.
He dived straight into the river.
His burning desire already overriding his senses.
He wanted every inch of his body to have this wonderful feeling.
And for a moment.
He did feel the wonderful feeling.
Course through his entire body.
The feeling of absolute power.
But.
Only for that moment.
As the river water filled his mouth.
He suddenly realised that is tasted uncomfortably familiar.
It tasted coppery.
Almost like blood.
No.
In fact.
It was blood.
And all of a sudden.
The wonderful feeling he felt before disappeared.
As absolute terror and helplessness struck his heart once more.
Only this time.
It felt worse.
Much worse.
He was drowning.
The blood was in his eyes.
He couldn't see.
It was in his lungs.
he couldn't breathe.
It was everywhere.
And he was dying.
.......
No.
It is I.
I am dying.
I am the lone pathetic soul in this forsaken world.
I was blinded by vengeance.
And still is.
I allowed vengeance to take over my heart.
My entire body.
My very soul.
And now.
Vengeance shall take my life as well.
Do I regret?
Of course I do.
But.
What can I do?
This is just another day in my life.
The ending of a day and the dawning of another.
Yes.
I would die.
But.
History will repeat itself again.
And again.
And again.
Forever.
And ever.
Till eternity.
This is my world.
My worl-
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Some people really piss me off with their attitude.
In front of others.
They act gentlemanly and all.
Showing care and concern for the ladies.
Blah blah blah.
But actually they are just hypocrites.
While their circle of friends were small.
They treated you as pals and everything.
They called you bros.
Called you out for almost everything.
Then when they make new friends.
They begin to feel you're a bother.A hindrance.
They begin to treat you like shit.
And even trample you in front of their new friends.
In front of the ladies,they act very generous and giving.
But in actual fact.
Nobody is more calculative than them.
They claim to be your pals.
But didn't even bother to get you a present for your birthday.
After shamelessly accepting their birthday present from you.
Giving lousy excuses such as being damn broke.
Making you sound like you are the richest person on earth.
And that in itself won't have mattered much.
Being friends and all.
But who won't begin to bring up all this and compare.
When these bastards begin to construct a bad guy image of you.
In front of all their friends.
Making it seem like you are the scum of the universe.
And they are the angels in the sky.
Bastards.
These people are who I call bastards.
Wolves in sheeps' clothing.
Expecting you to follow their time to go out all the time.
Expecting you to go places that are convinient for them all the time.
Expecting you to give in to them all the time.
While they happily keep taking and taking and taking.
And then as if that were all not enough.
Begin complaining to people about you after all that.
Even though they may not even know you at all.
Stop being a despicable asshole.
Nobody ever complained about you in front of their other friends.
Nobody ever painted a bad picture of you in front of others.
Nobody ever mentioned your name.
Even though you appeared to be not doing so.
But in actual fact.
You were just shamelessly putting obvious hints.
So obvious that even the blind can see.
Come on bastards.
Hypocrites.
Have some conscience.
Dun take the kindness of others for granted.
And worse still.
Harm those people that never hurt you.
Stop committing all these shameless acts of self-denial.
And instead.
Show your "friends" your true self.
The selfish,hypocritical and egoistic self that you show to your true friends.
Even though you may not treat them as real friends.
Stop being this person that you are not in front of others anymore.
A damn downright fake.
.....
God that feels good.
I feel better now.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
I wonder if any of you out there have thought about this question.
Is life better off being single or attached?
This may sound like a really stupid question.
Since most people would agree that the latter is definitely better.
Therefore.
Pardon my lack of understanding.
But the problem is.
I have seen and heard so many of my friends quarelling with their erm..
Partners.
That I have begun to wonder if life is really better off having a companion.
For those who have good and understanding partners.And I mean.Really understanding and caring ones.They should really start counting their lucky stars since they are of the rare minority.
And yes.I definitely agree that conflicts between 2 parties strengthen the relationship.That is if the relationship doesn't get torn apart completely.But nonetheless.A relationship is strengthed from conflicts.
However.What about the hurt and pain experienced during the conflicts?
Is the patching up after the conflict really enough to mend the scars casued by the conflict itself?
Furthermore.When the conflicts gets to a point whereby it occurs on a really frequent scale.And worse of all.To a point whereby other innocent parties get dragged into a couple's conflict.
Is is really fair to the party who is involved?
And who will mend the scars caused to that person.In most cases a friend?
Now if you think even further.
What would happen if you somehow got atatched to a really bad partner.
Wouldn't your life be even more miserable than it was when you were single?
Maybe I am thinking too much.
Maybe with all relationships.Problems like this arise.
Problems with freedom,personal time,conflicts.Perhaps these are all the norm.
And maybe.The person who is able to face all these problems and maintain a good relationship with his or her partner is one level higher up the on the food chain than normal single people like me.
But in the end.
Is it all worth it?
Maybe i really do not know.I do not know what love is.
But then again.
Is it all worth it.?
For love that is.
Haha.I guess I am sounding morbid like I always am now.But I really do not understand.Especially since for the past 2 days.I have been out for waht you may call..ermm..counselling sessions with 2 friends who were somehow facing relaationship problems.And the amazing thing.One of them.A close firnd of mine.Has been facing his for almost 4 years.And I have seen his life grown from simply miserable to downright terrible at this point of time.
Yet.He is till clinging holding on to the relationship.Even though he has every right to just end it and end all the suffering and pain he has to go through.Now that is something I really do not understand.Yet completely respect.Now on the other hand.Maybe this is irrevelant to the topic I am writing about now.But on a more personal note.Sometimes.I really look down on people who cannot balance out their time with their partners and their friends.
Of course.Friends can only be that close.Never more so than the relationship with your partner.However.That doesn't mean because of that.You have to spend so much time with your parnter that you no longer have even that bit of time for your friends.
Come on.
Who was there for you when you needed help or someone to talk to?
Friends.
Who went out with you when you felt bored to death at home?
Friends.
And most importantly.
Who'll be there for you for the rest of your life.
Friends.
Friendships are for life.Strong ones that is.
Relationships may break or wane.
But friends are definitely for life.
You sure you want to lose a friendship for someone that you may not even end up together with eventually?
Again.I have to emphasise that.
People just have to learn to balance their time for their friends and their partners.
So that both their partners and their friends wouldn't have to suffer.
Which would meaa ultimately.
They themselves wouldn't suffer.
........
Phew.
After rambling for such a long time.
I guess I should end off already.
Anyway.This may begin to sound old.
But I am still working on my "best" story.
So just hang on to your pants folks.
It'll be posted real soon.
To end this off.
I would just like to wish all the couples out there.
A happy and everlasting relastionship.
(Pretty corny I know.Sounds like something from NKF.)
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Sure.
Exams are finally over.
So I guess I should be jumping for joy.
Going out like there's no tommorrow.
And partying like nobody's business right?
Wrong.
Instead of a dream come true.My nightmare has jsut barely started.
Let me briefly describe the series of events that would be happening with the beginning of my....
"Holidays".
1.To go for a medical checkup at CMPB to determine my PES status.
Reason:To report back to Police Coast Guard next Wednesday to complete my disrupted period of NS.Which is 3 weeks to be exact.
Which meant.
3 weeks of my already freaking short 1 month holiday burnt.
That's not the worse.
2.To stay at home for the enxt few days after the exams to look after the house.
Reason:To look after the renovation works oging on in my hosue right now.
Which meant.
Weekend right after exams completely burnt.
Plus the bonus of breathing in PSI Level 200+ air as the workers tear the entire floor of my house apart.Not to mention the "Metallica" sounding drilling noise in the background.
Goodness.
3.Everything had to be packed into boxes.Including my computer,home theatre and television.
Reason:To prevent the dust from damaging them.
Which meant.
I couldn't use my computer for at least 2 weeks.Which to me was worse than death.Not to mention I have to miss 2 weeks for anime downloading.I hate downloading "STALE" anime episodes
Ok.
That's about it I guess.
Nothing much to complain about huh.
YEAH.
NOTHING MUCH.
Plus the damn bloody "shortened by half" school holidays I'm getting.
And the fact that I can't even bathe properly at home.
Which meant I can't even go out for a good evercise without worrying whether there would be water for bathing after.
And my shaver has been packed somewhere I can't find.
Which meant that I would have to look like Tom Cruise in Castaway for the next bloody weeks.
Plus my damn bloody empty wallet.
Which even if I had even money.
I couldn't even go out and spend.
ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
Ok.
I'm fine now.
........
Ok ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be back shortly after the break.
With more of the latest on the crisis here in Kim Keat Link.
Where a 21 year old youth has been held hostage by his own house.
Until then.
This is Channel's News Asia's Correspondent.Neo.
Signing off live from Toa Payoh.