Navigations are at the top.
bold italic underline link
Woah.It's been exactly a week since I last blogged.Can't really blame me either.Was busy catching up with sleep.In fact.I don't even remember when was the last time I had so many hours of uninterrupted and satisfying sleep.I guess last week's staying up really took it's toll on me.
But at last.I'm back once more.Completely rested and refreshed.And ready to take on almost ANYTHING.Why?Because I'm feeling so happy.For once in my entire life for the past 21 years.I can at last be proud of something I've accomplished.And ironically,it's in the least area I would have expected.And that is my studies.Before I continue any further.I've always believed that there is a very thin line drawn between feeling accomplished and becoming a really egoistic bastard.
Which is why I'll not mention what kind of grades I got.Just that they were all up to my expectations.And my expectations were pretty high.Which is why I'm so happy now.And I guess that Mum is probably feeling very happy too.Because finally after all these years,her good for nothing son has at least done something that she could be proud of.To which I feel rather guilty as well.Because,only after all these years did I finally wake up to my senses.
Anyway.The topic of results aside.I came across something really interesting in a book titled "The Business School - For People Who Like Helping People".Now before I go on to talk about the interesting stuff that I came across in the book.It is interesting to note that firstly.I am someone who doesn't like to read.HONESTLY.I really hate reading.Besides the lecture notes which I am forced to read,and my comics which I'll die without,I would either surf the net or watch TV in my spare time.Therefore you can say that reading a book would be the last thing on my mind when I'm bored and stuff.
And I'm telling you.The way to which I got to start reading this book was really quite amazing.Well.To put it simply.I was kinda supposed to meet this long lost friend of mine to take a look at her company and the product she was promoting.Now luckily,she was frank enough to tell me beforehand the details regarding her company and the products she was selling which allow me to guess almost immediately that she was working for some sort of networking marketing kind of company.If she hadn't been frank with me.I would have gone there,found out that it was a network marketing company and left immediately without even hearing her and her partner out.I'm this kind of person.
I prefer people to be frank with me.Similarly.I would be frank with her.In this case.I told her I'm a pretty difficult customer to convince and that I only went there because I was giving her face as a friend.Anyway.Upon reaching there.I was quite surprised by the friendliness of the people there.Whether they were really friendly or just plainly faking it didn't really matter.They already struck a first good impression.
And unlike previous network marketing agents that I encountered.My friend's partner did not go straight into business right away without even getting to know me better as a customer first.This was what got me interested,and prevented me from making excuses to leave earlier.He was really sincere and talked to me in a friend to friend conversation like manner rather than an emotionless business like way.Anyway.In the end.Even though I still did not buy whatever he was promoting,in this case it was a seminar to help people succeeed in life.But he had left an impression on me.
Which was partly the reason why I decided to read this book that my friend lent me.Though at first I was pretty hesistant about borrowing the book becuase I kinda knew that it was just a strategy to get another chance to ask me to go for another 'brain-washing' session again.Haha.Joking.Anyway.Once I started reading the book.I couldn't stop.It was really interesting as the author of the book.Rather than being one of those many rich people who only desires to get even richer,in this case by writing books that teach people to succeed.He was instead a rather kind and generous man who had long ago earned enough money to support the rest of his life and had already retired.
Anyway.He mentioned something in his book which reminded me of something my other friend said.He said.
"Let money work for you rather than you work for money."
I mean at the point of time when other friend told me this.I was still just a slacker with no ambitions.Who only cared about living day by day and getting a degree sp that I could get a white collar job like just about everyone else.And earning a paycheck taht would just be enough for me and my parents.
Somehow.After what the guy told me yesterday.My mind was finally opened.As in awakened a step further.I couldn't just be contented with getting good grades and
a degree.I should really start thinking about what I really wanted to do.And could do.Which was why today I was spending most of time thinking about this.Could I actually go into a business of some sort?Could I actually make money work for me?Instead of the standard way of studying hard,and working hard for money?
I'm still thinking.And if you guys haven't thought about it.
You guys should too.
That's all for now I guess.Tataz.
Friday, February 18, 2005
FINALLY.
After almost a week of sleepless nights.My mid semester tests have come to an end.I'm telling you.I've never felt this tired in my entire life.And the humongous eyes bags I'm currently endowed with are the best proof.
I am NEVER.EVER GONNA not pay attention or sleep in class again I swear.Not if I can help it of course.Seriously.It was only after the hellish nights this past week that I truely discovered just how much I DIDN'T KNOW of my work this year.
Luckily for me though.I 'woke' up just in time.Although barely.But still in time.And also.The tests were manageable to a certain degree and not exactly difficult.Which is why I'm feeling really thankful.Hopefully my results are can convince my mum to get me a new handphone.(Yes.I'm still a Mama's boy at this time.)
But all that aside.It is really a big relieve that the mid sem tests are finally over.And I think all my life.This is the first time I felt so stressed during an examinations period and acutally STAYED UP till morning to study almost every night.Guess I'm really not the old me anymore.Come to think of it.I'm not exactly that young already either.Haha.Lame huh.But anyway.I guess everyone wakes up to their senses when they reach a certain age and realise what their priorities are.I probably woke up a little later than other people.Hopefully not too late though.
OK.Before the whole lot of you start pressing the little square with an 'x' in it on the top right hand corner of this window,I guess that I should quit with this semi ego shit and get on to the blog entry proper.Today.I guess would be one of the most enjoyable and fun days I've experience since I started Poly life last July.Our class actually went out for a class outing AT LAST.
Note that we're talking about my class.1A23.Well known muggers who have no life and who never went out on a single outing till today.Therefore this can be considered an accomplisment really.
Even though the outing was merely a lunch at Seoul Garden.
I'm telling you.Seoul Garden as it was.It was really fun to see everyone finally showing smiling expressions.Even thought the expressions were shown on pretty tired and haggard faces.Everyone must've worked their asses of as usual I guess.Acutally Come to think of it.If I hadn't gone to this calss and kenna stressed by the rest of my classmate.sI probably would still remain a useless slacker till today.Going nowhere with everything.Thus.I guess they really deserve lotsa credit for my 'slight' change.
OK.Just a slight deviation that's all.GIVING CREDITS TO CLASS MATES NOTHING WRONG OK.Anyway.The lunch was really interesting.Especially when one of the girls in the class Faizah old us she was interested in one of the waiters.Of course.No one let her off after that and simply kept disturbing her.And not before long.The whole table was roaring away with laughter at Alvin's and Meng Seng sprouting absolute rubbish.
And surprisly.For the usually bo chup me.I acutally went and help Faizah asked for that guy's number from another waiter who was clearing the table.The waiter didn't really say anything but we were to know later that the guy actually agreed to give Faizah his number.Congrats Faizah.You owe me big now right?
Haha.Anyway.Following the lunch.The whole group procceded to nearby Lucky Plaza to play pool after being joined by our class' xternal relations.Wilson.Nothing much to be said about pool I guess except that all of us took turns playing with one another.
Follwing that.A few of us(Peishan,Lina,Harmin,Wilson,Regina,Faizah and me proceeded to Lido to watch Constantine as we originally planned.Although I was dead tired from not sleeping the previous night.I definitely did not regret going.The movie was kinda interesting,yet blasphemic in a way.And people who have smoker friends should MOST DEFINITELY bring them to wacth this movie.They may actually quit smoking after watching it.Haha.(OK.Enuff spoiling.)
And thus.After all that.I ended up here.In front of my computer.With no more plans for the night and nothing to do once again.Ah.The agonies of single life.Carefree yet boring as usual.But at least for tonight.I dun have to worry that much about having another paper tmr.I can finally take a well deserved rest.And I guess I really deserve some compliments for the simple fact that I actually delayed my much needed sleep to write this blog entry.This shows just how impt my blog readers are to me ok(Please clap in response).Haha.
OK.I guess that's it for this entry.Good night and may all of you have an enjoyable weekend.
Tata~!
Monday, February 14, 2005
Haha.I guess the story I wrote in my previous entry was too long for most people's liking huh.Which was why I didn't really receive an comments about it.And the ridiculous and hard-to-figure-out new blog template probably baffled some people for a while huh.Well.I guess there's really nothing I can do about it too.I can't expect everyone to have the time to read such an annoyingly long blog entry right?Life is short enough as it is.On the other hand though.I do still hope that if you guys have the time.You'll go take a look at it.I found it to be one of my better ones.
I think I'm beginning to sound really oxymoronic huh.Haha.
Anyway.The story aside.Today is International Friendship Day.For me that is.Haha.And Valentine's Day for some of you out there.Which is why I shall first start off by wishing all the couples out there a very Happy Valentine's Day.May you guys' every other day be exactly the same as today.Filled with love,joy and happiness.(Oh God.How much more cliche can I get man.)On a more serious note though.I've always firmly believed that Valentine's Day is not the only day to show one's love and appreciation for their other halves.But that it should be done every other day.Learning to treasure every moment spent together.Be it happy times or sad.Because like I said just now.Life is short enough as it is.Since it is definitely not mere coincidence that 2 people get to meet each other and eventually end up together.
Me sounding a little morbid?The usual right.Haha.As most people already know.
Anyway.Before I end off this entry.I would just like to leave a phrase that I heard recently which I find really meaningful for all the couples out there.Happy Valentine's Day and International Friendship Day everyone!Seeya soon guys.
"Let us forget about presence of this world,or even the existence of time itself.Forget about life and death,and how long or short life may be.What we must do now is to treasure the present.Even if the end of the world were to come the very next second, as long as that second isn't here yet.Then it isn't reality.There is only reality.And that is."
"I can't live without you."
Monday, February 07, 2005
Yeah.I know I know.I haven't been blogging again.The truth is.I've been really busy preparing for exams and everything.And this time.I'm not lying or making excuses.And you must know.Bloggers are human beings too.They have their normal "non-digital" lives to live as well.
So.
Yah.
Do try and understand.
........
Nevermind.
Anyway..My life's been pretty ordinary lately.So nothing to blog about really.But i can't possibly write a blog to say that I've got nothing to blog about right.Which is why I've gone thru several half written stories I did in the past and found one to post for this blog's entry.It's not finished yet.So.The ending still remains to be seen.If you guys have any good ideas on how to end the story.Do leave a comment or 2 in the Tagboard so that I can end the story.Thanks.
(P.S.I probably wouldn't be blogging for a while until after my exams.So.Seeya guys.)
Until then.Enjoy the story.
I hope.
-- Amanda --
What would you give.
"Ne...Neo is that you?Oh my God..."
To spend the last few moments of your life.
"Are you ok?Oh God...Please...Tell me you're ok.."
With the one you loved most?
"I..I'm so sorry...I really..I really didn't mean to..."
For me....anything.
"For...forgive me Neo...please forgive me.."
I'll give everything just to see her again.One last time.
"Oh God..Why did this have to happen..Why.."
Talk about irony.These words coming from a dying man.
"You..you'll be ok....noth..nothing will happen to you..."
Yet like a miracle.My words had just materialised into reality.
"I..I'll go get help...you'll be fine...I'll call the hospital right now.."
She was right here beside me.
At this very moment.
........
I don't believe it.
Could the person beside me now really be her?
Or just someone who looks a lot like her?
........
No.
I'm sure of it.
It was 2am in the morning.
Lying beside a traffic light at a road junction.
Completely immobile and in extreme pain.
I was barely alive.
Much less conscious.
Yet.There was one thing I knew for sure.
I would never mistake anyone else for her.
She was definitely beside me now.
The girl that I loved most.
Amanda.
Looking at her.
I realised that she was crying.
Tears rolling down her cheeks and onto my arm.
As she held my right hand tightly within hers.
It was certainly a bittersweet feeling.
Sweet in the sense that.
What can be more wonderful.
Than the feeling of being so close to the one you loved most.
Yet.
Leaving behind a bitter aftertaste.
An indescribable feeling of sadness and helplessness.
Even though this was what I wished for earlier.
Still.
Why must be it be that.
After so long.
When I finally get to see her again.
It is for the very last time.
And somehow.
I really didn't think that her appearance here now.
Had anything to do with a miracle at all.
Which could mean only one thing then.
........
Fate has certainly played a horrible joke on me.
Or rather.
On the both of us.
From the very beginning till now.
....Why.
I really couldn't understand.
It was then that I felt her releasing her grip on my hand.
As she turned back towards her car.
'Probably getting her cellphone to call for help.'
I thought.
Yet strangely.
Even though I knew she was trying to help me here.
My mind was telling me not to let go of her hand instead.
And somehow.
Garnering whatever strength I had left in me.
I managed to hold on to her hand.And said.
"It..it's ok...Amanda...I..I'm alright.."
Upon hearing my voice.She promptly stood still.
Without turning around.
Nor saying a word.
Obviously.I was lying.
"So don...don't worry..I...I'm ok...Rea...really I am..."
I was far from ok.
In fact.I was dying.
And I knew it.
"Neo..I'm a nurse remember..."
She suddenly said without turning back.
"So..please..."
Of course I didn't forget.
But yet.
"Please dun lie to me anymore..ok..."
What else could I have said.
.......
I really did not wish to make her feel bad about this.
Nor see her feel sad for me.
Since it really wasn't her fault.
Which was why.
I really didn't know I could have said.
But sadly.
As I felt the trembling of her hand in mine.
I knew at once that she was taking it very badly.
And judging from her refusal to turn around.
She must be almost be in tears.
........
And it's all because of me.
What should I do.
All of a sudden.
The feeling of helplessness overwhlemed me.
Accompanied by sadness and pity.
For her.
I felt so helpless.
Even though I was right here beside her.
There was nothing I could do or say.
That would comfort her.
Or make her feel better.
Reason simply being.
I was the cause of her sadness.
.......
And I really pity her.
For me.
I'll die and that's it.
The end for me.
For her though.
She'll have to live with the pain and guilt.
That she was feeling now.
For the rest of her life.
........
Amanda.
I'm sorry.
That I got you into this.
If only.
I hadn't rushed out onto the road suddenly.
The this woulnd't have happened.
If only I hadn't gone after...
This.
Upon which.
I turned and looked at my tightly clenched left fist.
Bearing with the pain in my arms.
I gradually released the grip in my hand.
And opening it slowly but surely.
A bunch of keys around a silver twisted metal keychain was revealed.
Obviously.
It wasn't the keys that I cared about.
It was the keychain.
The metallic wire keychain.
With the words "NEO" twisted into it.
My name.
This keychain.
Meant everything to me.
Since it was the first.
And only present she ever gave me.
My 21st birthday present.
Which was why I had to get it back at no matter what.
Maybe even at the expense of my-
"Neo..."
She called me all of a sudden.
Breaking my train of thought abruptly.
"Please...please tell me that..."
When did she turn back round?
I never noticed it at all.
"You were not trying to get that just now..."
Too late.
She was staring fixedly at my left hand.
At the keychain.
Obviously.
My natural reaction was to clench my left hand close again.
Yet.
Realising almost at once.
Just how useless and futile.
The action was.
And also the fact that.
I had just answered her question.
Without saying a single word.
Suddenly.
I found her arms wrapped around me in an embrace.
As she buried her face in my chest.
And even though that kinda worsened the pain in my body.
Still.
The feeling was simply indescribable.
The feeling of being in the arms of the one you loved.
If only time would stop right now.
.......
Yet.
Seeing her in this state.
I felt extremely sad.
As I realised that all this while.
She had been holding back her emotions.
Trying desperately not to cry.
And I guess that.
She could no longer do so anymore.
Especially after seeing the keychain she gave me.
And at long last.
Tears flowed down her cheeks as she began to cry.
"Why...Why did you do something so stupid...."
She said in between tears.
To that.
I really had no answer.
"It's just a keychain...I...I could've gotten another one for you anytime."
.........
No.
To me.
It's not just a keychain.
It's the very first present you gave me.
And probably the last.
"You...you..really didn't have to do this...."
It's the very first present you gave me.
And probably the last.
Which is why.
"I....I'm......"
Nothing can be more precious than this.
"I'm not worth you throwing your life away like that!"
........
Following her outburst.
She broke into tears once again.
As I found myself at a complete loss for words.
After hearing what she said earlier.
Which was why.
For a while.
There was complete silence.
As the both of us said nothing at all.
......
So.
I was right.
She did receive my message afterall.
Just that.
Given her position then and now.
She didn't know how to reply me.
Or what to say to me.
Which was why.
She chose to ignore me instead.
She knew my feelings for her afterall.
........
And even though she never really answered my question.
Even till now.
But at least I knew now that.
She knew.
And she did care.
About me.
And for that.
I was already very contented.
Really.
I was.
Since.
All my life.
I have never been one that had much.
Or asked for much.
At least.
I still had a place in her heart.
Even though it wasn't much of a place.
And knowing that now.
I had no more regrets.
........
Obviously.
That was a great lie.
It was at this moment that I felt.
This strange feeling of peace and traquility.
Overtaking my senses.
With my mind feeling.
Completely relaxed and at ease all of a sudden.
And strangely.
Even though my body was obviously badly injured.
I no longer felt any pain.
Or suffering anymore.
As for my surroundings.
Everything.
Including time itself.
Suddenly seemed to be going in slow motion.
My time was almost up.
I was dying.
........
I opened my tightly clenched left hand.
Looking once again at the keychain.
..........
This keychain.
Her first and last gift to me.
The object to which our lives seemed to be strangely intertwined.
The object which has ironically made us cross each others' paths.
Allowing me to meet her.
Just when I thought that I would never see her again.
And the very same object.
That would eventually take her away from me.
Forever.
........
How I wish that.
I could turn back time right now.
I had so much to say to her.
Especially three special words.
That I never ever managed to muster enough courage to say.
And using all of my remaining strength.
I finally managed to speak at last.
"It...it's been a..a while..ha..hasn't it.Amanda."
"No...please..don't talk..Neo..Please just..just rest.."
"No....I....I have to say this no..now....or..or I may nev....never have the chance to aga..again."
It was getting harder to breathe.
"No...please don't say that...Neo....You'll be fine..."
She was fighting back tears.
"I....I'm sorry....this had to happen to…to you....I rea...really am.."
"No...please...I...I should be the one...saying sorry...."
Upon saying that.
She began sobbing uncontrollably.
"Fate...see..seemed to have played a hor...horrible joke on the both of us....hah.."
"But at least...I got the chance to see you again...even if it was for the last time..."
You know....all this while.....I've been trying so hard to forget you...To move on...and find someone else....but yet I just couldn't....No matter how I tried..."
"You would always be there in my mind..."
"And everytime I saw you....I would regret..."
"Regret why I never ever mustered the courage to tell about you my feelings.."
"And come to think about it....I've never even told you....Even when we were together for that short period of time....I never had the courage to tell you....and had to depend on other methods like...writing...and messaging...."
"I must have seemed pretty useless huh..."
"No...Neo...you weren't useless...."
"But now I guess....I don't have much time left to be be a useless person anymore..."
It was getting dark.
I was losing consciousness.
"I really must tell you this....."
"All this whi...while...I've al...always been look..looking back in reg..regret...Only now...do I realise tha...that I had been wrong all...along..."
"Wh...what has already happened....do...does not matter...the im...important thing is...to app...appreciate what I have right now...at this very moment...."
"Eve...even if...the end of the wor...world....were to occur the very ne...next second...as...as long as the next second isn't here....then it isn't reality yet..."
"In the end...the....there is only one rea...reality.An...and that is...."
"I love you."
"I loved you then.I sti..still do now.
"But th..the impor...important thing is..."
"I...I'll always love you..."
As I said those final words.
I just couldn't help it anymore.
But I really felt so tired.
Which was why gradually.
My eyes closed.
And.
Everything went black.
........
But yet.
My mind was suddenly filled with memories.
Mermories of the past with her.
And like a videotape.
Everything seemed to start rewinding.
The surroundings.
The time.
Everything began moving backwards.
(To be continued)