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Ever wonder what you get when you mix....
Secondary School Buddies
with
Church Buddies
with
Clique Buddies
with
Classmates
with
Schoolmates
with
Someone you just met like 5 mins ago?
in a gathering?
.............
Well in most cases.Chaos would probably ensue.
But somehow or another.This didn't happen yesterday.
Everyone really gave me face and came down somehow or another.
However.Still feeling quite embarassed about the lack of seats for some people.
So I would like to apologize once again if anyone was neglected.Really one hell of a gathering though.Amazingly everyone earmed up to one another pretty fast.Probably bcos we've all met each other on separate occasions one time or another.Which is probably a stunt that only I will pull.
LOL.
Also.Although you guys may be getting sick of hearing this.I would still like to say a big thank you to all who came down eysterday.You guys were great man.So give face.
Unfortunately,even though I tried my best,I still didn't manage to make the mark and let you guys down in the end.Hope you guys dun blame me heh.
Feeling a little lost and empty now.Like suddenly there is no direction anymore.Where do I go from here?Should I try again after talking a few months break?More importantly.What can I do to improve?can I improve anymore?Seems like there is this little ego monster within me that's feeling most unsatisfied and is filling my heart with tons of questions and complains right now.
But whatever it is.Everything's finally over and I can finally get back to normal life again!Normal life as in eating sweet and spicy stuff,and doing things that destroys my throat la.Phew.No need to care about whether I will get phelghm from eating this,or doing that anymore.Yeah!
Well.Guess that's all for now.Will update soon...
I hope.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
In the words of BM.
"I IS FAMOUS K!"
http://harkmusicafebar.blogspot.com/2006/03/3rd-lets-challenge-for-mar-06.html
Though I seriously regret wearing that T-shirt now.
Friday, March 24, 2006
I've been jogging a lot recently.
Guess all the mounting flab finally getting on my nerves and conscience.Despite the fact that most ppl will call a person running at 2 or 3 am in the morning nothing short of insane.
Well.Maybe it's just me.My naturally defiant character.People say cannot.I will insist can.No matter what it takes to prove that I'm right.Well.In the words of Kevin and probably a lot of people,the words ignorantly headstrong would probably sum up my character.
I beg to differ though.I feel that I'm just being me.Chua Kok Keng.
Neo.
What's wrong with standing by your ideals.I definitely know of a good friend of mine who is just as persistent with standing by his ideals.(No prizes for guessing who.)In fact,I think he may be even worse off than me.Heh.But speaking of which,he kinda reminded me of someting funny tha that happened in the past that showed just how headstrong I was last time.
For a while,I chose to jog barefooted with him at the stadium,insisting after a pointless argument that it was a more effective workout for me when the truth was..I was simply just lazy to get another pair of jogging shoes.
LOL.
Now.There's nothing wrong with being headstrong I guess.Not unless you really irritate the hell out of other people by trying to interfere with other peoples' thinking or decisions with your own.Which regrettably,is something I used to do unknowingly last time.However,over the years.I can safely say that I've mellowed down a little.Which is why nowadays I seldom have arguments with a certain someone(still no prizes).Instead,I choose to be nonchalant about it.Or what you can call psychological taichi.(Whatever the enemy giveth upon you,pusheth it back kinda theory.)And I guess it's working pretty well bcos I find myself avoiding a lot of unnecessary and stupid conflicts nowadays.
However.
One thing I have to admit is that.I'm still one hell of a proud person.Which is still so bad that I sometimes offend my good friends without realizing it.For this.I really ahve to apologize to all the people who've suffered under my hao lianing or whining or kao pehing.
I'm geniunely sorry.
But one thing is for sure.I can safely say this,and for people who know me well,I'm sure they will vouch for me too.And that is I really do not provoke or anger people intentionally.I can only say that sometimes,my pride can really cause ignorance on my part to such an amazing degree that sometimes,what I meant to be genuine caring and frank words for people turn out sounding like extreme sacasm and mocking instead.
Once again.I apologize for this ignorance on my part.
For me.I do not believe in making enemies.Because it is such a childish and stupid thing.But however.I do realise that in life.You canot please everyone.Definitely.There'll be people who simply hate your guts out simply because they do not like your face.They often try to find trouble with you.backstabbing you behind your back and bad mouthing you.Well.For such people,I would still extend my friendship towards them.But one thing I would like to say is that.Karma definitely exists.And even if it doesn't God definitely does.
He sees everything we do.Hears everything we say.
And he definitely punishes the wicked.That's for sure.Maybe not now.Maybe not soon.But definitely one day.Whatever actions,whether good or bad we do will come back unto us.
What comes around.Goes around.
..........
Well.I guess that's enough preaching for today.Haven't had a such a good philosophical diarrhoea for a long time.I guess jogs are really healthy.For both the body and mind.
And oh.If you're wondering why.I though of all this while jogging.
So why wait.Turn those monitors off and get out of that chair now you couch potatoes.
Just kidding.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I'm like SO DAMN HAPPY right now.
Can hardly believe what I'm seeing on the screen right now.
Seriously....
WHO WRITES THIS SHIT?
LOL.
P.S. Somehow.I feel another nasty tag from Jon coming.Heh.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Been real busy this past 2 weeks.
Dun even have the time and strength to feel fucked up.
That was how busy i was.
Attachment has been smooth sailing and relaxing so far.In fact,maybe even a little too easy that I'm beginning to feel sorry for my classmates who're currently been worked like slaves.Which is why I am damn grateful to have been placed at Echo for my ITP.
But that aside.Results are gonna be out tmr.And as usual,I'm feeling really jittery the night before.Dunno why but somehow no matter how many times you've gone thru this,it still amkes your balls shrink each and every time.Haiz.Especially this time since I REALLY did not out in that much of an effort.And already starting to regret now,even though it's a little too late la.
Well.What's done cannot be undone.Just like the amount of flab I've built up since stopping exercise completely last June.Man.This I really regret.And the painful process of 'rebooting' my arm muscles...I dun even wanna talk about it.What to to."Ai sui mai mia zho zi ar ni kuan."
Shucks.
Though.I guess there is something that I wouldn't be whining about afterall.Somehow,I got into the finals of Hark Music again.This time round.I'm making sure I will do my best and be in tip top condition for the day.I wun wanna have any regrets anymore.
10 more hours to Doomsday and counting.
Year 3 here I come.
Monday, March 13, 2006
It seems like.
My sanity is put to the test every holiday period in between semesters.
Why do I say that?Because I remember that the last holiday period was the worst one for me in my entire life so far.
And guess what.I think it's gonna get even more exciting this time round.
Somehow.I'm beginning to think that somebody up there really has a problem with me.
So many things in life.I had to fight for them.
Yet in the end.They were all lost in a fraction of the time I took to achieve them.
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH MY BLOODY LIFE?
I mean.I don't mind having a hard life.Since I sincerely believe that it is through trials and tribulations that a person grows to become stronger and a much better person.And for me,I can safely say I've gone thru quite a load of shit in my life for the past 22 years.So somehow.I was kinda expecting that.After all these years.The faeces bucket over my head should have been emptied to a stage near depletion.And that what follows would be smooth sailing times and mass happening times.
BUT NOOOOO........
SOMEBODY UP THERE APPARENTLY FELT THAT IT WASN'T ENOUGH.AND REFILLED THE WHOLE DAMN BUCKET AGAIN!
AND THIS TIME.IT'S NOT JUST SHIT.
And you can only imagine what is worse than shit.
Seriously.I'm getting tired,weary and most importantly old.I no longer have the strength to fight aginst my fate like I used to be able to.Whatever thing that comes to my face.I ram it back with equal if not more force.I'm tired of fighting.I've already tried so hard to change so many things in my life.Yet in the end.Even if I do manage to change them somehow or another.They always seem to revert back to the previous state or if not,become a worse state than ever.It's like a never ending cycle.
Life REALLY sucks.
Gimme a break God.Please.
I can't take this much more.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Exams are finally over at last.Despite the strange fact that I'm not feeling the least bit excited this time.I guess it's probably due to the fact that I wouldn't be expecting any good results this time round.Well.Even though I say this,I guess I have no right to complain about anything.Since I've already been expecting bad results even way before the exams began.Really been too complacent this sem.Really hope that I can do something about this slack attitude for the next sem.(Wait a min.This sentence sounds really familiar.)
But despite all that.Everything's good since I can be stressfree for a while once again.But more importantly.I think it's time for a lot of major backlogs and updates.
I've been contemplating a lot of things during this period of time.Mainly about what I should be doing after getting my diploma,even though you may say it's more like counting the chickens before they hatch.Well.To me it's more like a matter of feeling sick of school life.Both the studying part and the dealing with people part.Especially since I'm kinda in a not that happening class.Anyway.Not gonna talk about my class.
After Poly.I guess I've 2 choices.Either I continue being a student and go on to university or I can start working and do a part time degree.I guess both ways will get me to the same goal,but somehow the latter sounds less feasible as everyone I'm sure everyone agrees that once a person starts working,the interest and energy he originally had for studying starts dwindling day by day as the tiring effects of work start kicking in.Eventually,the person totally gives up and concentrates on working instead.Well.I definitely do not have the confidence of not ending up in the same state as so many have.Especially since I'm definitely one with Jack's "All work no play" mentality.I feel both are equally important,which probably means I would never be able to devote myself completely to work and studying.
Yet.When I think about the currently very stale and uninteresting time I'm spending in Poly now,I being to dread the next 3 or 4 years I would be spedning in university,even though most people would tell me that uni life is totally different.Sure, different in the sense that I would be feeling stress at a level that I would never be able to comprehend right now.Since for the past 2 years I can kinda say that I got by my Poly life with a little hard work,lots of good friends' help and a hell lot of even more luck.And somehow,I begin to come to the realization that I would no longer be able to do the same thing when I start university life.Man.
Furthermore,looking at most of my friends,who've already gone past the studying stage of theirs lives,and had moved on to the working and supporting themselves and their parents stage,kinda makes me feel a little low self esteemed and ashamed of myself.When can I stop depending on my parents and really start supporting myself completely.When will I break free from their bonds and restrictions and truly be in control of my own life.I really do not know.
So to put it in simple words.I'm stuck in a really great dilemna.
If I dun do a degree.Times ahead will definitely be harder.Not impossible but rather more difficult.
Yet.If I try to do a degree.I'm afraid I may not be up to it.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
All that aside.I've also come to a great realization recently.
The world out there is really vast.And yet all this while I've been contented hiding beneath my comfortable shell,thinking that all things bright and beautiful can be found within my own little comfortable space.
Well.How wrong I've been.All along,I've always thought myself to be a little bit of somebody,if not a little somebody,yet in the end.I realized that I'm actually nobody at all.There are so many talented people,hidden and humble.Choosing to keep themselves low profile and not showing off their abilities at all.Yes.Call me thick skinned.I've always thought myself to be a rather good singer.So.I've always hoped that I'll become a performer someday.NOT a superstar mind you.But just a normal singer that gets a chance once in a while to perform on stage,and hear the applause and appreciation of a small audience.If I can be that,I'll already be very satisfied.And just recently,I thought that I was finally closing in on this little dream of mine.My friends have all been very encouraging,telling me that I would definitely make it one day.And of course,I'm very thankful for their support and their confidence in me.
But in the end.Even if people did feel that I was pretty good,or even if I did really have a little talent,I know that compared to the many people I've encountered recently and since I start work at Echo,I'm seriously nobody,not even something worth mentioning.There're really just.Too many talented people.Too many.So much so that I'm starting to feel how stupid I've been in thinking that I was finally coming close to becoming a performer at last.Eventually,I was still mada mada dane after all.Heh.It's a sad truth.But obviously,I'm not gonna give up just like that.Instead,I've now looked at my dream in a whole new light,in that I know that there's still many areas I have to work on and improve.And from now on,I'll just continue to pursue my dream,one little step at a time.And not be too anxious with the chicken counting.
All these aside though,I'm really glad to have been assigned to Echo for my ITP.Or rather,I feel that I'm really lucky to have managed to get myself to serve my ITP there.Seriously,I'm a really slow learner,which means that whenever I start working in a new environment,I'll always make a hell lot of mistakes in the beginning and will only get used to the work after a certain period of time.And ITP,being only one month long,definitely will not give me enough time to "get used" to work without me ending up with a grade of "E" for my ITP.Which is why,being placed at Echo where I've already worked at part time for almost half a year,is really a blessing for me.For that,I'm really thankful.Finally.There was something to be happy about after all the pessimistic paragraphs of complains earier on.
Also.(I know I know.I'm ending with this.)It's time for me to be getting back in shape.I've really been procrastinating with my diet and exercise.Since I'm the kind who will go to extremes when I do things,meaning when I eat,I eat a lot,and when I exercise,I really exercise like mad.Which is why having been in the "eat like mad" mode recently,I've really gained quite a bit of flab.And having made a stupid and overconfident bet with Mr Iron Barbie before he left.It's really time for me to start getting back in shape before he coems back.Heh.Guess I really have lots to do for this holiday period.
Well.That's all for this post folks.Hope to meet up with you guys all soon.Even though we seem to be in the endless cycle of "you guys free I not free and when I free you guys not free".Hah.Let's just try and set aside a time to meet up sometime.Really haven't seen some of you guys in a long time.
Seeya guys!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
It's currently 5am in the morning.
I'm currently trying to cram whatever I can into my already dead brain.
Last paper in 3 hrs time.
........
God.A little help please.
Freedom.I can see it coming.
Just a little while more.
God speed.