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Actually.
I've known all along that.
I'm a procrastinator.
And a very serious one at that.
Deadlines that I can avoid or delay.I would do it.
And that wouldn;t be so bad if it was only just deadlines.
The problem is.
I procrastinate just about EVERYTHING.
And I guess I must be sounding like a real moron for just talking about such a big problem instead of trying to do something about it a long time ago.
Well.I did say I'm a procrastinator.
Nuff said.
Though of course it's nothing to be proud of.
Especially since.It seems to be the primary reason why I can't see m to answer when people ask me this question.
"What you gonna do in future?"
I mean.Ever since I was young till now.Whenever people ask me what my ambition was,what I planned to do.I would always say.
"Dunno.See first."
In fact.I never gave much thought about it.Thinking all the while that the future was still far far away.
Unfortunately.It's no longer that far away anymore.
3rd year in Poly.Approaching graduation.
Gulp.
After that comes university of course.But the fucking problem was.
I DIN KNOW WHAT I WANNA DO IN UNI!
These past 2 years in DCNT have thought me one thing.
Programming is not for me.
DEFINITELY.
So.What am I gonna do?What course am I gonna take.
And then after that.What kind of career am I gonna go into?
What do I wanna do with my life.
Suddenly.I find myself really lost.
Not knowing what to do.Not even knowing what I want in life.
Now.I can no longer afford to be clueless.
What do I want to do with my life?
All this while.The only thing I ever knew that I ever wanted in life.
Was individuality.
To be different.To be unique.
To go against the rules.Or tradition.
And anything that may bound a person.
What people condemned.I supported.
What people disliked.I preferred.
Dun get me the wrong way though.
I'm not like anti-social or being rebellious on purpose or waht.
It's like.I just choose to see things in a different light.
Or rather.My principle of "Innocent Until Proven Guilty."
Yah.I guess most of you out there would probably understand what I mean.
It seems like.Human beings are becoming more and more bounded by the rules of society.
Something that may have been perfectly harmless.
Once it's defined by society to be harmful.Then it was.
When everyone is insane.And you're the only sane person.
You become the crazy one instead.
Ironic?Yes it is.
But back to what I was saying.
I always chosen to do things in a different way.
Which some people may argue that it is stupid.Or that it doesn't make me any happier.
Or whatever.
However.All that doesn't matter.
As long as it's my choice.I guess no one has the right to stop me.
Especially since I always ensure that the decisions I make only affect myself.
Again.Some people may argue that they'll still feel affected in one way or the other.
Or that my actions can be pretty selfish.
Like I said.
I've chosen to do things this way.
So I fully accept all the consequences that come along with it.
Including criticisms and disagreements.
It's not about being happy or not.
It's just me.
..................
Anyway.For now.
After all that reflection.
I suddenly had an inspiration on what I wanted to be for the time being.
Just for the time being.
I wanna be the first Ah Beng Scholar.
"What Lim Pei wants.Lim Pei shall get."
As for the future?
"Dunno.See first."
I told you.I'm a procrastinator.
And that's me.