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Just started my exercise regime again yesterday.
Suddenly felt damn disgusted with all the flab gathered over the past few months.
Running,weights eating healthier food.I'm gonna start doing them all again.
Well.Obviously it's already too late to make myself fitter than Jon before he comes back but at least,I can still put up a meaningless struggle against the bet that I've already lsot miserably.
Zzzzzzzz.....
LOL.
Maybe.I really haven't been exercising for too long a time.
Now all my muscles are aching like hell after last night's routine.
Sheeze.Is age catching up even faster than I thought?
Man..life sucks.
Perhaps.
I really am getting old.
Mental and physical fatigue written all over my face as I speak.
Which is probably why I'm sick and tired of all the changing from one target to the next shit.
I mean.It's not as if I can help it.
Things just don't seem to work out.
And I'm getting really weary.
Right now.I'm like a ship searching for a lighthouse.
That'll guide me to a safe and secure harbour where I can finally have a good rest.
In other words.
Someone that I can wait for.
Sometimes I just wonder.
How do some of the guys around me do it.
Wait for someone so ever so patiently.
Without any complains or expectations.
Is that plain stupidity?Or true dedication.
To be able to wait for a person wholeheartedly.
It really takes a lot of guts and determination.
Most people would be afraid of rejection.
Or getting hurt.Or never ever getting answer.Etc.
Whatever the case is.
I think these guys around me are really amazing.
I just wish.I could be like them too.
Throwing rationality aside.
And just wait.
..........
Maybe I can at last.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Somehow.
I dun think if I have the strength to go on anymore.
I guess.
There's a limit to how rational a person can force him or herself to be.
When dealing with problems.
Somethings...just can't be dealt with rationally.
The late nights,ciggarettes and alcohol are taking their toll on my health.
My voice has been damaged tremendously.
And though I know just how detrimental my current lifestyle is.
I just can't seem to pull myself out from it.
Feeling so helpless.
Lol.Somehow I deserve a Nobel Prize for banging my head repeatedly into a wall.
Time after time without fail.
Need sleep now.
Haven't slept for almost 40 hours.
Be back real soon.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Tmr's gonna be a real hectic day..
Also...it's one hell of an important day for me....
Not just for me...but for the rest of livEVIL.
Because....
Friday the 13th is finally here.
Conincidental as it may sound...it's gonna be day that me and the band will have our first gig...
For the rest of them..the sense of belonging to a band again is probably stronger than the excitement of performing..since this isn't gonna be a first for them...
For me however..it's like my dream come true.
The dream performing on stage in front of a live audience...
Dun even know how to desribe that feeling.
After all the jammings and practices...finally...
It's livEVIL's turn to shine.
And though I still do not have enough confidence in my own vocals.
I will try my very best...and put up a show I wun regret.
"Alright guys.Lock and load.We're going in...."
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Things haven't been getting better.
But what the heck.
I dun even have time to feel f*ed up now.
Also.I'm about to die from fatigue soon.
Been working non stop for almost 3 weeks now.
Well.Not much choice anyway.
At least at the end of it I'll feel satisfied for accomplishing what I set out to do.
Also, fatigue is kinda like the least of my worries now I guess.
LivEVIL's first gig comes in two weeks time.
Been jamming regularly with the guys at Boon's for the past few weeks.
Finally, everyone in the band is beginning to feel a sense of belonging.
And it's pretty obvious everyone's been putting in more effort.
To bring out the best performance on Friday the 13th at NTU.
Needless to say.I'm pretty stressed out.
Being the vocalist.It means I'm kinda like the spoke person for the band.
And all these while, I haven't been exactly satisfied with the standard of my vocals.
Compared to my band mates whom in my opinion are simply unbelivable.
The only good thing I can say is that slowly but surely,I'm improving little by little.
So much so that Kenn and the rest have actually commented several times.
Well.I certainly hope the improvement continues.
And that I can stretch my vocals to greater heights.
So that one day I can finally feel that I deserve my position in the band.
But mean while I shall say this.
"Alright guys this is it."
"Let's get em."